Daddy

When I started this blog, my intentions were to catch up to Kate's 16th month "birthday" so that our family and friends who do not live in the area could keep up to date with the Foley's. Kate's 16th month birthday was on March 21st. On March 18th as I was putting away the groceries, I received a knock at my front door from my neighbor across the street. She informed me that I needed to call my uncle immediately because there had been an emergency. Little did I know that the knock at my door would change my life forever. Not only my life, but the life of my husband, my daughter, my mother, my brothers and their families, my grandmother, everyone. The number to call was my Uncle Jim, so I was assuming the worse about my grandmother. My Uncle David answered Uncle Jim's phone and the news he shared with me was that daddy had a heart attack, and I needed to come to the hospital immediately. I did not know the status of his health, I just knew that I needed to go. I think all daughters, especially only daughters, know of the special love and bond that you share with your father. I know parents love all of their children just the same, but there is something different, something more special with fathers and daughters. My gut and heart was telling me that daddy was hurt, and I needed to be there for him.

When I arrived at the hospital, I knew. I don't recall anyone telling me over the phone, in fact I don't remember any phone calls after the one I made to my Uncle D. When the sliding glass doors opened to the ER waiting room I saw two lines of family members and friends. I can't give you the name of everyone that was there, but I just knew that I should have been there sooner. They all wouldn't be here unless something was really bad. The looks on their faces just told me. The two lines kind of made an aisle that led back to the actual door to the emergency room. I don't know who went with me back there - I am assuming it was my two uncles who were here in town already, but my main focus was to go and see my daddy. I wanted to hold his hand and tell him he was going to be ok. I wanted to show him a picture of Kate and tell him that he was going to be ok because he she loved her Papaw so much. But I wasn't able to do that. God had called him home. I catch myself wondering what his final thoughts were. Did he know he was having a heart attack? Did he know he was going to die? Was he frightened? Scared? Why didn't he come back when people were trying to resuscitate him? Will I ever know the reason why God did this to my family? I accept the fact that He has a plan for everyone. I am accepting God's will. He knows the minute He is going to bring you home the minute you are born. It's ok to wonder why on things like this right? I am not doubting God's plan, but I just want to know why? I know that I may not get that answer until He calls my name and I go to live in eternal glory along with my father, grandfathers, uncle, aunts, cousins, etc..... I just want to know.

My life has felt like a blur since then. Just kind of going through the motions. I try not to cry because I have already frightened Kate once by doing that and I need to be strong for my mother and grandmother. It could be also that I can't believe that I will never be able to pick up the phone again and call daddy again. Then hang up the phone and call him right back because I thought of something else to tell him. He won't walk through the doors at church anymore to come give Kate a donut while she is playing in the hallway. Who is going to take pictures of everyone? Who is going to make me my Christmas Cd's? What are we going to do? What am I going to do? He made such an impact on everyone that he knew. He knew me like he knew himself, and I feel as though as I knew him that way as well. We had deep discussions, random talks, and arguments on the phone to the point where we would hang up on each other. The next time we would see each other we would smile, hug and kiss and act like nothing ever happened. He loved his family so much and all he wanted to do was protect and provide for them. He gave everything he had even when he had nothing to give. He loved us with every ounce of his heart and soul. I feel as though my daughter and nieces have been cheated out of knowing one of the greatest men I have ever known. He would have done anything in the world for those girls, just as he did for his children. His God given talent was drawing, and he drew the most amazing portraits I have ever seen. The last ones he drew was of my niece Caroline and of my daughter Kate. I'm sad that my other niece Georgia doesn't have a picture by PaPaw. He was a noble man. He defined humility.

I could go on and on for ever. It seems as though it is easier for me to type than it is for me to talk. Maybe because fingers can almost keep up with the thoughts racing through my head. Or I am too afraid to talk because I don't want to cry. Not yet anyways. Not now. These are just thoughts. Some are random, some aren't. I wasn't an English major so I am sure there are some fragments and grammatical errors all through out. I know as the days go by reality will sink in. This probably doesn't make any sense but I can go to the cemetery and find solace there, but yet I can't believe it is his name on the marker. Lord, please forgive me for asking you "Why?" but my heart - our hearts - are aching.

I am grateful though for the awesome weekend we had with him and my mother the two days before he died. I am grateful for the man that he was and for the man he wanted to be. I am grateful that our daughter came when she did, and that he was able to hold and love my two nieces. I am grateful that my husband has some of the same qualities that daddy had. I am grateful that my daughter said, "I love you" for the first time to him when he left that day. He left us that afternoon before he went to the walking trail with the biggest smile because of her. I am grateful for everything he gave me and for everything he didn't. I am grateful I was able to spend 30 1/2 years with him, but I long for more. I am grateful he walked me down the aisle to give me away to the man I love with all my heart because that is how he taught me how to love. I am grateful for showing me his way of love - and he loved hard. I am grateful that my brothers had their years with him, but they deserve more time with him. I am grateful that he was a wonderful husband to my mother for the past 33 years. They lived a good, very blessed life.

Needless to say there haven't been any pictures up in over a month. Kate turns 18 months old this month. I am just going to post pictures of daddy and the girls, and start posting pictures of Kate from last month on. If you read this then you just got a little glimpse of my soul. Thank you for letting me share with you. May God bless you.

The world and its desires pass away, but the man who does the will of God lives forever. 1 John 2:17